Probably one of the hardest things we do as social beings is to apologize. What makes it so hard? Consider that when you apologize to someone, you are admitting that you did something wrong. Now the proverbial Pandora’s box is open. If you apologize and did something wrong, you’re not perfect and you’re flawed. There’s goes our self-worth. But wait, it gets better. By admitting that we are wrong by insinuation, we are vulnerable; we are at the mercy of the other person’s ego. We would like it if they just smile, accept our apology, excuse us and then we can all move on. Lesson for next time to think about the consequences. Our biggest fear, though, is that they’ll twist the knife. They’ll start demeaning us with catch phrases like, “See?”. Or they’ll interrogate us with probing questions like, “Well, why did you do it?”. Or worst yet, “Do you know how you made me feel?”. Let’s backtrack and then return to these points. Someone asked if these ten days of awe, the period between Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, are the specific time when we have to apologize for wrongs. Does that also mean that the people we’ve wronged have to wait until then to get their due? Meanwhile, their contempt and disdain for us for committing the infraction grows and grows until who knows how they’ll feel by then? The reality is that the sooner you apologize to someone, the better. In fact, it’s part of our daily liturgy that we pray three times a day during the secular week—and this is actually part of the Yom Kippur service—that one of the prayers during the weekday Amidah is to state to Hashem, “forgive me for I have sinned, pardon me for I have erred”. The Sages have taught us that for G-d to forgive us, we have to forgive others and our apologies have to be sincere. Treating people with positive regard is a fulltime, 365 days a year process for us. The ten days of awe are for reflection and it’s to make sure that if you didn’t apologize before, or you questioned whether it really was an offense, this is your chance. When in doubt, apologize anyway. Better safe than sorry. As a past Karate instructor used to say at the end of practice: “Thank you for doing what you’re supposed to do”. If this is what we’re supposed to do, and someone vicariously smacks us in the face for practicing righteousness, what do we do with that? Most of us know the teaching that we are supposed to ask forgiveness three times. If the person hasn’t relented by then, it’s on them. Nevertheless, apologizing can be sort of an existential crisis. What if the person does not accept our apology and uses it as an opportunity to demean us and really take revenge? Sure, that thing about the three tries sounds great on paper, but it would be daft on our part to think we can just let it roll off our backs. Just another thing we’ll be thinking about at night as we try to go to bed and watch the minutes tick by as we toss and turn. Our Torah is all about teaching us always do the right thing in life in whatever situation presents itself. Let’s fill in the blanks here. Let’s talk about the best ways to handle and perceive this situation. Keep in mind as we proceed that while this isn’t necessarily a commandment to apologize, it is a rabbinical directive. It’s also the right thing to do. We get nervous because we spend our lives valuing our own self-worth by how we perceive others liking us. It’s part of our society & peer pressure. One of the most liberating things we can do is practice being our own reinforcement. Our self-esteem comes from how WE, OURSELVES perceive ourselves, not others. It starts from accepting who we are and loving ourselves unconditionally. The problem with apologizing, and anything else we do, is that people are going to judge us. Remember, though, that other people have their own agenda. Maybe they don’t feel so good about themselves the way almost the whole world does. Apologizing to them gives them a way to feel better about themselves by demeaning us. If we need to apologize, then we made a mistake, we’re flawed and now they can berate us and feel good about themselves because they didn’t make the mistake so they’re perfect and we’re not. That’s an opportunity for them to feel good because they’re better than we are. That’s not reality. Here’s reality: the fact that we have the backbone and integrity to admit we made a mistake means we’re strong, not weak. Hashem made us imperfect so we’d have something to do for the 80-or-so years after we come out of the womb. And He, or She, loves it when we grow spiritually. It’s like anything else: practice makes perfect. The more we display honesty and integrity, and reinforce our own selves, the better we become over time. It’s just a matter of taking the first step. This year, may you all grow as people and become actualized as you become your own reinforcement. #YomKippurSermon #Sermon

https://youtu.be/N8fqs8JjJBs #TorahCommentary #TorahPortionParashaReeh #ParashatHaazinu

The portion that is read during the first day of Rosh Hashannah comes from the book of Genesis. In this special parashat, Isaac is just born to Abraham and Sarah. This fulfills the promise HaShem made to the couple to have their own son. Of course, Abraham already has a son through Hagger, his maidservant. Her son is Ishmael. Haggar is a pagan or Egyptian princess, depending on the commentary. Sarah knows that although Ishmael is the first born, he does not have the values fit to be the spiritual heir to Abraham. The text of the portion state that Ishmael would play with Isaac when the latter was a baby. The word “play” here has different connotations. Some say that the word “play” is a euphemism for the way Ishmael would treat Isaac. He would taunt him and even pretend to shoot arrows at him. Sarah recognized that Isaac was really in danger from Ishmael and she knew as well that these two would only interfere with the new message of Monotheism and ethics that Abraham was spreading. She realized that her only course of action was to send them away. Some people might this consider this course of action to be extreme. In this case, it made sense. There was a real physical danger to keeping these two pagans around. Perhaps we can see that Sarah was justified in her action because it would seem that Ishmael did not follow his father’s moral character, yet instead succumbed to his baser instincts. As we start to take hold and own the message of the high holidays, let us consider a metaphor of this story. Right now our minds are on repentance and t’shuva/return. We are now getting ready to look critically at our behavior and be very honest and straightforward about what we need to change for this new spiritual year. Doesn’t that involve also getting of certain unwanted behavior? Wouldn’t this mean that some things that we do are not in our best interest and we need to change them? Shouldn’t we work on banishing our negative traits? But even beyond the obvious, aren’t there some other things we may want to banish from our lives? Aren’t there people or even situations with whom we associate that are more of a drain on us that prevent us from growing? This can take a lot of discernment. Some people seem to have some character traits and are who they are. They mean well and probably benefit from our association. Sure they can be exhausting, but they’re at least sincere. Others are just bad news. People drain us. They feed on us. They are spiritual and emotional vampires who just want to drag us down. Same with situations. How many of us have or have had jobs that we absolutely dread? Oh, the job itself isn’t so bad. But the environment is crazy! People are in cliques, they gossip, the demean. And you’re either with them or against them. You can’t be neutral; you have to take sides. Choose carefully because the wrong choice and your life for 8 hours a day will be torture. Or maybe you have friends or even family that drag you down. They always have problems. There is always conflict in their lives. Every time you see them they are always complaining about someone or something. You try your best to counsel them, listen intently, offer advice. They never take it. Their response is always, “yes, but….” So here’s a novel idea: cast them off the same way Sarah, our wise matriarch, cast off two troublemakers who did not want to spiritually evolve. As if vindicating Sarah’s decision, once Hagger ran out of water, she set Ishmael away from her because she didn’t want to see him suffer and die because it was too much for her to handle. This instead of being a good mother and doing what she could to go find water for the both of them. People like this don’t want to solve problems. They want to drag you in. Misery loves company. They’re addicted to it the same way other people are addicted to chemicals and you are their high. You will not change them. So why bother? You tried being a friend, helping them with positive, constructive feedback and they don’t want it. It’s time to take your New Year’s resolution and gravitate towards more positive, uplifting situations. Same with your situation, be it a job or circle of friends, or maybe even certain family members (that’s a tough one and only you can decide). Want proof? Take a week vacation away from the offending people or situation and see how you feel. You will know what to do. Realistically, most change doesn’t happen overnight, that’s true. But as the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. #RoshHashannahSermon

A little early to discuss also the portions read for Rosh Hashannah. https://youtu.be/fH9Kwazxiu0 #TorahPortion #10MinuteTorah #ParashatVayelech

This week’s Torah portion is “Nitzavim”. It is one of the last portions of Deuteronomy as we come to the end of the Torah and will, in a few weeks, re-roll and start again from Genesis. This is also Moshe Rabbeinu’s last day on Earth and his third discourse. “Nitzavim” – You are all standing here, all of you who are here and all of you who are not here. About whom is Moshe talking? The people there is obvious. What about the people who are not there? He is referring to us. Yes, we were there. All of us. Those of us, the Israelites who were physically present and those of us who were present, let us say, spiritually. This invites questioning, analysis and a lot of thought. What do you think he meant by that? The sages are pretty much in agreement that all of us who are Jews were there at this final address. In Genesis, which we will soon be starting again, Hashem says, “let Us make man in Our image”. Since G-d is not a physical being, this would mean that He made us in His spiritual image. Since G-d is immortal, there is a part of us that is also immortal. Our souls, that which makes us a conscious being, have always been around in one form or another. One may say that while our immortal selves were present at that important time, were we present spiritually, or we were present in a different life? Many of us believe in the transmigration of the soul or reincarnation. So that would mean that we were present in a previous life. What are the other implications? That if we were all there in one form or another, then we’ve always been together from, literally, day one. As Jews, we have traveled these paths and journeys as one people. So…since we’re all in this together—always have been and always will be—we have to stick together and support each other. This concept becomes prominent as we are approaching the High Holidays. The two main ideas are “t’shuva” and “repentance”. “T’shuva” means return, and we need to return to Torah. Moses continues with his third discourse by saying that people have a tendency to forget where their good fortune comes from, and that’s Hashem. Since Hashem give us, as the psalm says, everything we need, then really fortune is not involved at all. This is the time to remember that. The second concept is repentance. During the Days of Awe, the ten days between Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, we are to be especially vigilant in righting any wrongs we may have committed. If we haven’t apologized or sought forgiveness from certain people, now’s the time. If we are to be sincere in asking Hashem for forgiveness for any wrongs we may have done, we certainly have to seek out our fellows and do the same. Not that we shouldn’t have done it already, but this is our last chance. Now, as we go through the “vidui”, the confessional, during Yom Kippur, we come upon the sin of being haughty. What does this mean? Perhaps we were nasty to someone because that particular person deserved it. Yes, they brought it on by themselves by their behavior and we were just reacting to their offenses. It’s their fault and they should be apologizing to us! No. And this is the very idea of what haughty is. We’re playing god. We have judged, found them guilty, and now we are executing a judgement that they certainly deserve. So I’m not apologizing to them—even though they may have apologized to me. Isn’t that hard, though, to be humble? We just have to get over ourselves. Sometimes, no, a lot of times, we just have to accept the fact that as humans, we’re flawed. Isn’t that the whole point of the High Holidays? It’s asking for one more chance. In order to get that one more chance, we have to be sincere. And that means we have to swallow our pride and, as the commercial says, just do it. This means risking vulnerability and seeing that maybe we’re not as perfect as we think we are. (The subject of the next sermon). But that’s what keeps us growing, isn’t it? If we’re perfect, and we can probably all agree that we’re not—even those that are pretty close—then there’s no where to go. And we can all probably agree as well that that’s not the case. #FridayNightSermon

https://youtu.be/pIeZm9c6ffA #ParashatNitzvim5778 #TorahCommentary #DvarTorah

This week’s Torah portion is “Ki Tavo”, when you come in [to the land]. And when we come into the land, after we’ve settled, we will bring a tithe of our first fruits. This is our way of giving thanks. First of all, “tithe” is the Old English word for “tenth”. We are making an offering every year to give a tenth of our produce in whatever profession we have chosen to Hashem. They way we do that is by giving to the priests and Levites (ministers) whose profession it is to serve G-d. We also give a tenth to the needy: the poor, widows and orphans who struggle for subsistence, and the stranger who doesn’t have any ancestral year. In other words, we’re giving back. This procedure of offering is one of the ways we are reminded that our prosperity comes from G-d. Certainly we go through the motions of farming or husbandry, but it is indeed Hashem who gives us—as the morning blessing reminds us—what we need. Making those offerings is one of the many ways we remember all of Hashem’s commandments. Prosperity is a trap. When we are struggling, we are always praying, as we do whenever we are in need. “Please make my business successful”, “restore my health”, “make that man or woman notice me and fall in love”. When we are become successful, we start to lose interest. We stop praying as much, don’t need to, right? We forget about being righteous because we have business and fruits of our labors (country clubs, trips, nights out) to think about. This is why this is a commandment. When we don’t need, we forget and lose sight. The idea of the yearly offering reminds us that, yes, there is this covenant thing and have to perform mitzvot. There is also the idea of eating and giving thanks. So we eat bread and say a blessing before, and then another one after (Birkat HaMazone). What’s this all about really? Remembering to say “thank you” and be grateful for what we have. It’s easy to remember when we’re in need, but not so much when things are going our way. This portion also contains another round of the “Tohaha”, the admonition. Moshe Rabbeinu foresaw, and now gives a very stern warning, that as we get more successful, we will forget the thank G-d for our bounty. We may even descend into idolatry, worshipping not just foreign gods, but maybe money and power as well. There will be consequences, measure-for-measure. Just as we will be rewarded for doing good, we will be punished for being bad. The bad, however, is not an all-or-none scenario, it gets worse if we don’t correct. So the bad is not necessarily a punishment, but it is a warning, which is the main meaning of “Tohaha” that we need to change our course. If we don’t take care of our bodies, for example, we get sick. If we don’t change our behavior, we get more sick. As we get more successful in business, we start to live a little more lavishly and start contributing to worthy causes like helping those less fortunate or contributing more to the local synagogue. (Hint, hint). But then we get to the point where having prosperity feels real good and we want more. So we give a little less, because, hey, we worked hard and earned it and we want to enjoy it. So we’re giving a little, aren’t we? That’s enough, right? It’s all about character. When we don’t have a lot and get a little more, it’s noticeable. We feel so much gratitude are happy to give some. But when we have a lot, the little bits aren’t as noticeable. The Talmud has all sorts of stories about people who are well off, spend lavishly on themselves but give the bare minimum. We must always remember to be grateful and not lose sight of what’s really important, which is Hashem. Hashem can’t write a check, so he helps us become successful so that we can. In this way, we are doing G-d’s work and doing mitzvot #FridaysSermon

https://youtu.be/IFE7xYRLTos #ParashatKiTavo5778 #DvarTorah #TorahCommentary #10minuteTorah

https://youtu.be/Xmh2ustl5Dg #TorahPortion #ParashaKiTeitzei5778

“Justice, justice shall you pursue”. We’ve heard these words often and they are considered to be a righteous way to live. They are quoted and inscribed in many places and documents including a picture that hangs in the office of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. This is an interesting aphorism. What does it really mean? It almost seems superfluous to comment, but in this day and age, it is very necessary. First of all, the word “Justice” is repeated. In biblical Hebrew, the repetition of a word is like putting the adverb “very” in front. It is also used to highlight and emphasize the word. The fact that Moshe Rabbeinu is just now (in the last book of Deuteronomy) saying this to the new generation of Israelites is timely and profound. These are the people that will conquer and settle the promised land and setting up an equitable system of courts is very important. You see, it is human nature, we with our imperfect nervous systems, to want to come out ahead. Yes, we’ve approached this concept before in the way of not putting a stumbling block in front of the blind and being honest in your weights and measures. So what if it’s not exact and little off, it won’t make a big difference and the other guy won’t even notice. The bottom line, though, is that pennies add up, don’t they? Some say that responsibility is doing what’s right even when there’s no one around to see you. “Justice, justice shall you follow”. The more we do it, the more it becomes part of who we are. These days, we see what happens when you don’t. Recently, a Congressman had to resign because he is being investigated for insider trading. We’ve also seen news headlines of public officials in the higher echelons of government taking advantage of their positions to make money or hiding business deals so as to not expose these dealings to taxes or ethics scrutiny. Judaism has a more stringent policy. Kings were required to write two copies of the Torah, one for their own personal use and one for the Temple library. In other words, not only were the highest officials in government not exempt from the law, but they had to set an example. In our own lives, we have to be careful to do the right thing. We leave a store with more change than to which we’re entitled. The right thing is to go back and give the extra back. Some will say, well, they’re a store, a big store and they won’t miss it. No. People are entitled to fair and honest dealings and it is not just a choice, but an obligation. Some people will look around the world and say that everyone does it. Look at how some leaders around the world subject their citizens to the worst horrors of war and poverty while they live a rich, opulent life. Everyone does it, why should we be different? Why should we get cheated just because we’re honest? Some people feel that the idea of divine justice is just appeasement. Some people complain that they’ve been straight all their lives and never got a break. Some people complain that they’ve been the victims so maybe it’s time to be the aggressor. Dog eat dog and all that. (Subject of another sermon). No. There will always come a time in our lives when we’re given the opportunity to do the right thing and we don’t. Then it comes back to haunt us. We see that one time that someone gets hurt by our insolence and then our guilt comes crashing down on us. Yes, it’s tough being honest in a world where everyone looks to get an edge. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe our mettle is being tested. Like the laws of Kashrut, we are shown temptation and then given an opportunity to do the right thing, to avoid cheating people. Tempting, yes. But the wrong course of action. Maybe it’s like exercise. The more you do, the stronger you get. This doesn’t just go for muscles, but ethics as well. We set a standard for ourselves to do the right thing. As time goes, we learn how to navigate that ocean. Perhaps we’ve made a habit of dealing with the wrong people and this cheating is a wake-up call to change our ways. Sometimes if we take the wrong path and don’t see the signs, HaShem does something drastic to get our attention, return us to Torah. Then we end living our lives in an ethical and moral way. We are happier and with less problems.

https://youtu.be/3cQ_IySPwrg #TorahPortion #ParashaShoftim

https://youtu.be/6_TR2KZ9g2c